The Secrets to Marital Satisfaction
How to Feel Satisfied in Your Marriage Again
Change Your Perspective from an Entitled Perspective to an Endowed perspective:
Remember because entitlement causes us to believe that we have a right to demand, expect and all of it without gratitude. Any time we forget to be thankful for what we have, we run the risk of forgetting the value of what we have brings to our lives. We begin to believe that the world we live in owes us something more, the person that we love owes us something more, and it is not right that they are not giving us what we want, when we want it.
Understand that being human means that you are vulnerable to adapting and acclimating to EVERYTHING in your life. Once you acclimate and adapt you have a tendency to no longer be satisfied.
Even when people cheat, or divorce the danger is that they ultimately return to being unsatisfied with their life, or relationship again at some point.
So what can you do to feel satisfied with your relationship once again?
1. Learn to Understand what is happening. The most important action to take is to become consciously aware of when entitlement has numbed you to the excitement and value of what you already have.
I will share a personal story about my young son that I believe showcases how dissatisfaction can be suddenly changed to feel satisfying.
When my son was five-years-old, he collected Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles. There were a great number of them and after a while, he had accumulated approximately sixty. He came to me one morning with a picture showing all the turtles. He complained sadly about the fact that there were three that he did not have. He wasn’t making himself happy with the fact that he was very fortunate and blessed to have so many. He was making himself miserable because of his perceived lack. Perceived lack is one of entitlement’s favorite weapons. I told my son that I would not consider purchasing another turtle for him until he showed proper gratitude for the ones he owned. I asked him to tell me the names of all the turtles he owned and why he liked them. When he was through with this exercise he was not only tired, but he was aware once more of how many turtles he had. He said, “I didn’t know how many I had until I had to remember them.” His “not enough” perspective changed dramatically with the opportunity to count his turtles. He suddenly remembered, or in reality, reminded himself of how fortunate he was. So many times happiness comes from reminding ourselves of what we already possess simply by taking inventory.
As Charles E. Jefferson tells us, “Gratitude is born in hearts that take time to count up past mercies.” That is why it is so important to make sure that you remember and re-affirm the reasons your marriage is a gift and has value. It provides you security, love, comfort, among other things.
2. Now that you understand how boredom sets in and begins to damage your marriage, here are some simple action steps to take that will help:
Find a hobby that interests and enhances you.
Whether it is sewing, painting, running marathons, building furniture, writing a book, cooking, volunteering for your favorite charity, etc. There is never any reason why you should feel bored. You have too many gifts and talents to give back to the world that needs them to be bored. While it is great if you can develop a hobby that both you and your spouse can enjoy together, growing your interests and talents works either way. Men and women often are interested in different kinds of activities. Picking a hobby, or charity that you really enjoy allows you to be your own person, keep your mind engaged and happy, and also maintain the honor of your marriage by eliminating the boredom you feel.
Plan special dates or vacations with your spouse.
Create new experiences for the two of you to have together. Create a relationship bucket list if you will. When you go out and experience new places and things together, it builds your bond and enhances your relationship by keeping it vital and interesting. Saving for the vacation of your dreams gives you both something to plan for and look forward to, but don’t forget that in the meantime go out, or stay in for movie night. Try the opera, great orchestras, go bowling, to wine tastings, etc. Find as many ways as you can to break from your routine in a healthy way.
Use prayer as a powerful relationship tool.
Keep God in the middle. Your partner is NOT your problem. YOU are your problem. They are THEIR problem. Trust God with your relationship struggles. Ask HIM to strengthen your resolve to be the best, most loving partner you can be, and trust the heart, attitudes and behavior of your partner to God. The benefits of a good marriage cannot be replicated through any other experience in life. Pray to God to keep you humble, grateful and deeply appreciative of the gifts you take for granted. Simply keep your perspective on the right track, notice when you are feeling or behaving in entitled ways and always keep yourself appreciative of the gifts you already have.
Make a habit of counting your blessings every day.
Appreciation is a choice. It is one of the greatest gifts we can choose to give to another. Appreciation requires determination, awareness, and discipline. It is a promise to notice those things that can easily be taken for granted. It is a conscious way we choose to perceive and evaluate our lives. It calls us to continually count the gifts that can become invisible such as health, love, relationships, material blessings, and the kindness and charity of strangers.
Stay self-aware. Look inside your heart. Have you lost appreciation for what was once attractive about your partner? Have you morphed the same qualities that first attracted you into annoyances that feel as though they will drive you insane? If so ask yourself, "What have I become acclimated to?" "What did I once cherish, that I now resent?" "How can I change my entitled attitude, so that I can FEEL gratitude for my relationship and all it means to me, and my family?