Do different personalities communicate different love d.i.a.l.e.c.t.s.
The short answer is Yes. Love is the connective tissue of reality--the oxygen of life--we want it and need it, and struggle to effectively communicate it to those we deeply care about because we may give different meaning to the same love language, therefore basically creating a new love dialect.
When we first meet someone we have a tendency to want to see what is good about them, what is kind about them, what is wise about them, what is true about them, and what is wonderful about them. In these moments of enthusiasm, attraction and excitement, we are often accused of being “blinded by love.” But it is in these moments we are actually allowing ourselves to experience love most enthusiastically. It is in these moments we feel the greatest connection. This early place where the seeds of love are cast upon fertile soil is called infatuation. Infatuation is a delicious experience. During this infatuated time our bodies produce generous amounts of feel-good hormones that give us a sense of euphoria, and we are not yet defensively looking for something wrong.
Our senses are heightened. Smells are richer, colors are brighter, tastes are sweeter and a simple kiss can melt us. However, after we become familiar with our partners, and our feelings of infatuation fade, we can acclimate to our loved one’s presence in our lives and begin to take them for granted, or feel disappointed by them, or feel rejected by them. These negative and frightening experiences cause us to alter what we see when we look at them, and it can alter what they see when they look at us. We find that without warning, we have shifted our focus to their imperfections, the places where their behaviors are selfish, unkind, stubborn, lazy and annoying.
In the beginning we are blind to their imperfections, later, our blindness is to the things about them that once brought us joy. We become blind TO love, not blinded BY love. We begin to do and say the opposite things we did and said in the beginning of the relationship. In Love’s d.i.a.l.e.c.t.s. we will examine how two people sharing the same love language can actually express that love through different dialects and when we get hurt or angry, how we actually begin to express the opposite of the love dialect we enjoyed so much when the relationship was new.
People ask me, "What does it mean to LOVE someone?" The verse below defines love beautifully.
1 Corinthians 13: 1-7 of the New Testament.
If I speak in the tongues of men and of angels, but have not love, I am only a resounding gong or a clanging cymbal. If I have the gift of prophecy and can fathom all mysteries and all knowledge, and if I have a faith that can move mountains, but have not love, I am nothing. If I give all I possess to the poor, and surrender my body to the flames, but have not love, I gain nothing.
Love is patient, love is kind It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It is not rude, it is not self seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil, but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. Love never fails. But where there are prophecies, they will cease: where there are tongues, they will be stilled; where there is knowledge, it will pass away. For we know in part, and we prophesy in part, but when perfection (fulfillment) comes, the imperfect (unfulfilled) disappears.
When I was a child, I talked like a child, I thought like a child, I reasoned like a child. When I became a man, I put childish ways behind me. Now we see but a poor reflection as in a mirror, then we shall see face to face. Now I know in part; then I shall know fully, even as I am fully known.
And now these three remain: faith, hope and love. But the greatest of these is love.
can be defined as a desire to be together.
BUT TOGETHERNESS might mean
in the VICINITY to one person, while
it means focused ATTENTION to another.
These different ways to expressing, defining and experiencing love - are Love's d.i.a.l.e.c.t.s.
VICINITY / ATTENTION
can be defined as experiencing intimacy.
BUT INTIMACY might mean
having SEX to one person, while
it means tender AFFECTION to another.
These different ways of expressing, defining and experiencing love - are Love's d.i.a.l.e.c.t.s.
Want to learn more about personality love languages and love's dialects? Contact Dawn Billings 918-605-1492
The above verse is a template which we can lay upon our hearts to check how well we are living this thing we call love. We waste too much precious time wishing others were different. We cannot control how others choose to live or love, but we can choose how we want to love, and then it is up to us to continue to live that love full out.
If we want our partners to give us more of what we want, maybe it is time to give them more of what they need. If we want them to live the previous verse more consistently, maybe it is time to call ourselves to give more, do more, and be more of what love requires of us.
Throughout the world, people not only speak different languages, but they speak very different dialects of the SAME language. This is true of love languages as well. Imagine for a moment that there is a love language called TOGETHERNESS. (Togetherness Definition: I feel loved when my partner and I are TOGETHER. But being together can mean very different things to different personalities.)
If two people are speaking the love language TOGETHERNESS, you might assume that they would have an easy time communicating with, and understanding each other. However, if they are speaking different dialects of the same love language it could be very confusing and frustrating, and cause them to be unsuccessful with their intentions of sharing and communicating love.